So far in my life, I haven’t gone through one single relationship without facing the ugly face of rejection. Feeling rejected is something that my system is hyper sensitive to. It takes all kinds of silly and not so silly forms. The feeling of being the one that wants to spend more time together, the feeling of wanting more sex than the one I’m sharing bed with, the need of physical closeness... The feeling of having made plans that the other person isn’t as enthusiastic about... the list can be made very long in my case… Not always feeling comfortable in my own body and therefore not feeling sexy enough. Rejection. The constrictive feeling of rejection makes me quick to build walls of protection around me. I’ve become a pro. I’m building walls so fast and so thick that it almost seems like I do it for pure survival.
Up until this point in my life I’ve handled rejection with silence. The more rejected I’ve felt – the more silent I’ve become. The feeling of rejection comes up in relationships with friendship as well. I’m sure a few of you can relate and that’s why I’m writing so open heartedly about this pretty painful subject.
I have a very physical and litteral sensation of closing myself up, which by default means closing the other person out when I feel rejected. I’ve finally learnt that me building walls of protection is a big fat red alert and something I must immediately deal with. I now know that I can only go back to a state of power and satisfaction if I tear down those walls. Voicing my rejection actually puts me in a position of feeling EMPOWERED.
Moving and sounding with rejection are two other tools that I use to deal with and release this feeling. I know that the feeling of rejection won’t kill me, I don’t need to close the door on it. I can allow it to take over my whole system. I can allow it to ripple through me and spread it’s ugly tentacles everywhere. I can sit with the pain of it and then I am thankful to have the ability to move it. I move it and I know it’s not real. It’s me creating a story. So if you’re ever faced with the feeling of rejection I invite you to voice it. If you dare to be with the feeling and give it words you can bet your sweet touchy on that the other people will mirror your feeling. In 9 cases of 10 you will look into the eyes of another person feeling… Yeah thats right…rejected. A word you’ve said, a move you’ve made. Something a long time ago, something that just happened… It can really be anything, but it’s highly likely that your mirror will take the entire (or at least part of) the charge out of your feeling, he/she will make you see the situation from a different perspective and will respect you deeper for being brave to give rejection a voice. Any connection between two human beings (love, friendship, work) wants to flow freely. It doesn’t want to be held up by guilt, shame, rejection or whatever it might be. So give it a go and see how you feel. Loosen the grip around these nasty feelings that is keeping you out of your beautiful state of awesomeness. This is really som powerful S***, I can promise you that.